I'm going to exercise.
I'm going to drink a green smoothie every day.
I'm going to be more organized.
I'm going to be a better mom and a better wife.
I'm going to cook more meals.
I'm going to go to sleep at a decent hour.
I'm going to have a plan for writing.
I'M BASICALLY GOING TO DO ALL THE THINGS AND ROCK THEM!
And then the week gets going and, well, "the best laid plans" and all that garbage . . .
One huge plan I had was "no yelling in the new house." That was for all of us. We'd been yelling a lot before the move.
Guess who was the first person to yell in the new house? The Mommy who brought her stress with her, that's who.
But as I unpack one box after another, I'm doing better and my stress is dissipating. I'm taking the second chance that has come to me. I believe in second chances, even though I'm a stubborn, bull-headed Taurus.
As a teacher and as a mom, I've always given kids second chances. It's inevitable that they are going to make impulsive or even uninformed decisions that lead to poor choices. They are still learning, and it's my job to teach them.
But what about myself? Shouldn't I know better? Shouldn't I know that when I stay up late with the intention of writing or searching Pinterest for new recipes that I am so tired I just end up either falling asleep on the couch or zoning out on HGTV? And then the next day I am so crabby that I snap at everyone?
Shouldn't I know by now that when I exercise I feel great and energized, and when I binge eat Oreos my digestive system is really pissed off at me the next day? Shouldn't I know that anyone can get cancer and other illnesses - especially at my age, and that sleeping well and exercising regularly and having a good diet can help prevent all that?
Shouldn't I know with more clarity than most that anything can happen at any time to anyone I love? Shouldn't I know not to take my family and friends for granted, to enjoy every moment, to hug more, yell less, be generous with the 'I love yous,' and document everything that happens for memory sake?
But yet, I don't do all those things. I know. I know it all, but that doesn't mean I do it all perfectly every time. I can't help thinking that a person's inherent worth shouldn't be based on their ability to be perfect. We are all flawed. I should give myself the same breaks that I give to my children, but hold myself to the same expectations. If I expect them to learn from their mistakes, I should expect to learn from my mistakes, too. A huge part of life is growth, constantly making small changes to be better, do better, and live better. Even if it is week to week, day to day, hour to hour, or even minute by minute.
I know life can change in an instant. But I also know that life is about second chances, and I hope mine never run out. I hope I never run out of chances to be a better person. It may be fatalistic to say that, but I'm saying it anyway.
So that's why, instead of making grand resolutions, I'm grabbing every second chance I can get at any moment I can get it.
